Don’t Push Me Away

By Evie Morandi

Crumples of paper filled the wastebasket as groans echoed from the gray haired man. The author’s hands were aged by years of writing, yet nothing sounded good. He was now sixty and had years of experience but no real gold. Not a single bestseller flew off the New York Times. How would he move on? His coworkers thought he was nuts. He had to keep going on. 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock chimed the hour as the author sat to think. He slammed his head on his desk. No ideas. The isolating and menacing writer’s block cleverly entered his mind. 

He twirled around in his office chair. He stared at the wall. 

“Hey…” A voice called. 

The author looked around. No one was there. 

“It’s me…A character. Open the door!” the voice continued. 

The author closed his eyes. He did not get a good rest but this was ridiculous. He slowly walked toward the door and stopped. This was crazy. But he had to know who was at the door. 

The author opened the door to a small boy about six years old. 

“Hiya!” The boy smiled. 

“Hi?” 

“I’m Will! I’m SIX YEARS OLD!!! How old are you?” 

“Too old…Where, where are your–” 

“Parents…I don’t have any…But I was told to tell you that God LOVES you!!!” 

The man scoffed. Great. The Christians were knocking at his door again. Years and years they had been knocking and he would refuse but he could not shut the door on a kid. 

“Can I come in?” Will’s eyes looked around curiously. 

The man thought for a minute and rolled his eyes. 

“Fine…..I guess you can-” 

“Oooh!!! I like your house! It’s big! Look at that-I’m hungry you have any food?” 

The author sat down and took a deep breath. The six year old wasalready tiring him out. 

“Here’s cookies on the counter, have a few…”

“Oooh…..Chocolate chip! My favorite!!! Thanks, mister…”

“Mister John…John Parker…” The author replied. 

Will smiled at the man as he sat beside him on his couch. 

“You’re funny….I like you.” Will laughed.

John sighed again. This kid was something else, but he was adorable. Will reminded John of someone. Who? 

“Well…I guess it is time for you to go-“

“No, Don’t push me away!!!” Will got up from the couch. 

“I’m not pushing you away! I just met you!” John replied, confused. 

What was Will talking about? Six year olds could be hard to handle and crazy. 

“Don’t push me away, Daddy…I’m not ready to ride a bike…” The kid looked up at John with watered eyes. 

John swallowed hard. He knew those words. He closed his eyes. How did the kid know those words? No. He did not need to hear that. His own son once said those words and he did not want them to be repeated. 

“I think you have to go…” John sternly replied. 

“But…You need to face it, Daddy…God loves you and I’m okay…I’m in Heaven, Daddy!!! Jesus is a nice man…”

“NO! Go away!” John walked toward the door and opened it. He looked around. Will was nowhere to be seen. 

John closed the door and sat at his desk. He brushed his hair with his fingers. What just happened? Will did look familiar and his own son had that name as well. It could not be him, could it? 

————————————————————-

Another knock came at the door. John rolled his eyes again. It was probably that kid. 

“Oh brother…” John grumbled as he got back up and opened the door.

“Hi…” A middle aged woman smiled. 

“Hi. May I help you?” 

“Yes…I’m looking for my son…” the woman replied. 

“Your son? Well, I saw a kid named Will…”

“No, Will is my grandson…My son’s name is John.” The woman looked at John with eyes that a mother would give her son. John shook his head. The woman did look like his mother. She had her pure white hair like his mother… How? Was this a dream? He had not spoken to his mother in twenty years, it seemed. 

“John…Is that you….Don’t give up John..Your wife told me…I’m sorry about-” 

“Lady, I don’t know about you..But I can find you some help,” 

“Jesus has helped me…And is…He loves you, John.” The woman seemed to glow with some sort of feeling. 

“How do you know my name.” 

“John-“

“How do you know my name?” John barked. 

The woman sat on John’s couch and looked up at him. 

“I have always known your name and have prayed for you…I have watched you take your first steps..” The woman replied. 

John’s eyebrows crinkled down into the frown he wore on his face. This lady was nuts. He did not care. His mother knew nothing away. She was a crazy Christian. 

“God is not real anyhow…”

“How can you say that, Johnny Boy..”

“How do you know that…Only my-“

“I AM your mother…” 

“You’re not my mother!!” John yelled. 

“Don’t push me away, John…I love you..” 

John groaned as he walked toward the door. Where were all these crazies coming from?? 

He turned around. She vanished? Yes, the woman was gone and nowhere to be seen.

John needed a drink. Some coffee or some water would help this insanity perhaps. He felt like his emotions were whipping him back and forth. As he sat on his couch drinking his coffee. He took a deep breath. His mother and his on came to his door. How could this be? This was some cruel dream probably. 

A third knock came at the door. John threw his head back. 

“Ugggggggghhhhhh……” He groaned. 

A third time! What was happening!!???! John refused to move. The knocks pounded in his head. He sat still. Maybe it would go away. Yes, it would go away. 

“John,” A woman tenderly called. 

“Daddy!” A little girl called. 

Oh no. More people saying that they are related to him. Great. John walked over to his writing desk. It was an awful nightmare. No more was it a dream. 

“Mommy, is Daddy leaving us…Daddy is different now…Where is the Daddy we know?” 

“Daddy, sadly is confused and hurt, honey….Will is in a better place, Mary..” 

“I miss him..” The daughter cried. 

John kept writing. No one would bother him. He would keep writing. He felt bad though. That woman’s voice and her daughter’s voice were familiar. Why was everything familiar? 

“I…I just need to block them out..I will be fine…” John mumbled as he scribbled on the paper. 

“John…I know you’re in there..Don’t push us away..It’s me, your wife…Eve…” The woman sighed. 

“Eve.” John scoffed. His wife was a goodie goodie Christian. Always praying for him. He loved his wife, but he wished she was not a Christian. 

“John….God has us…You can’t push away any further. Mary has ballet, she has looked for you every time. This is the tenth one you have missed. I know you miss Will. But you have a daughter who loves you! She prays for y-” 

“STOP THIS!!!” John dug his fingers in his head. 

He ran toward the door and opened it. Gone.

The daughter and woman were gone. 

John’s knees fell on the floor. He could not take it anymore. He was done with all these emotions pulling him around. 

—————————————————

Another knock came at the door. 

“John Andrew Parker….” The voice called. 

John lifted his face toward the door. This voice was different. It was a man’s. It was not his father. Who was this voice? The voice was strong yet soft. Calm and steady was the voice. 

“John, can I come in..You can try to push me but I-” 

“Who are you?” John barked. He was done with all these visitors. 

“I have many names. Some abuse them sadly. Prince of Peace, Messiah, Jehovah, I AM, Yeshua, Lion of Judah, the Lamb that was slain…I am Jesus…” The voice replied. 

“You’re kidding, right?” John smirked. 

This guy was probably insane. 

“Can I come in? I can help you.”

“If you are Jesus, why did my son die?” John glared as he walked over to the door. 

John stood face to face at the man. The man’s eyes were bubbled up with water. As if he knew John as a friend or a brother. 

“I know that world is broken, John. My Father and I didn’t make this world like it is now. The sins of man did. That is why cancer, sickness and sin is in this world..But I overcame it! Will is with me in my Father’s house. I love Will! He is such a joy! How he smiles and loves to sit on my lap! We talk and play a lot. Your  son is taken care of. No longer will he hurt.” The Man softly smiled. 

“No. There is no God! There is no you.” John spat. 

“You have heard about me,John. History tells of me. You believe in the good teacher but not the Son Of God.” 

“What’s so special about You?” 

The Man held his hand up. A blood mark was on his hand. It looked like nails had been pounded through it. The man looked at his hand and smiled. “I died for you. I love you.” 

John shook his head. “You gotta be kidding.” 

“I wouldn’t kid about dying on a cross, John Parker. I bore the sins of mankind for you, Will, Eve, Mary, and your parents, Mark and Rose. I died for everyone so that they might be a part of me and my family.”

“Why would you wanna do that for me?” 

“My Father and I love this world..We want no one to perish. We do not want to push away anyone, John.” The man walked into John’s apartment and sat down. 

“So you’re Jesus?” 

“Yes, John, I am.” Jesus smiled. 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” Jesus replied. 

The little boy, the middle aged woman, the mother and daughter entered the room. Jesus walked over to them and hugged them with a lovingly smile. 

“Hello, Will, Rose, how is it going? Your husband is doing fine in my Father’s house! Eve and Mary! Hello again! My, Mary, how you have grown!” 

John closed his eyes as tears ran down his face. He felt oddly enough peace and love he had not felt in a long time. 

“How can this be?” 

“John, I am calling. I call every day for you to come be a part of my family.” 

“Yes and?” John asked. He needed more information for what was happening. 

Jesus put his hand on John’s shoulder. Such compassion and emotion was in Jesus’ eyes. He looked at John with a face that was concerned. 

“Don’t push me away, John. It is your choice to push everything away. Don’t.”

Tears and sweat poured down John’s face. He looked around. He woke up and looked at his hands. John was no longer in his sixties, instead he was in his thirties. John rubbed his eyes. Was this all a dream? He looked beside his bed. It was his wife just like the woman in the picture. 

John got out of bed and walked down the hallway. An empty bed sat in the room with a bicycle beside it. It was a dream. No little boy lived in their house anymore. Will, their son, had died of cancer at six years old. Will had loved his bicycle. John smiled softly as he remembered Will riding it for the first time. Even though he was scared at first, Will had loved it. 

John walked over to the bedroom beside it. Mary, his daughter, was sleeping. Everything seemed so real. John walked slowly down the stairs. He did not know what to do. He poured himself a pot of coffee and picked up his phone. 

“You’re up early…” A voice whispered.

John looked around. Who was that? He looked up. His wife walked toward him and smiled. John got out from the table and hugged his wife. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered tenderly. 

“What are you talking about, John? Are you-“

“I’m fine. I- I had the most real, life-shaking dream! I don’t what it meant but I was sixty and you were there, Will was, Mary,  Mom, and Jesus!” 

“He was… Jesus was in your dream?” Eve asked. She was a bit confused. She thought her husband was not a big fan of God or Jesus. He was raised in the church but something had happened when their son died. 

“He was! I-Now, I know I’ve been terrible and promised to never step in a church again but I wanna just try it again. Just once, I don’t know why but something in me wants to try again.” 

Eve nodded as tears slowly began to roll. She kissed her husband and hugged him again.

“I have been praying for you. That your heart would be open to Him in some way. Yes, we can definitely go to church together!”

John smiled back. He heard small footsteps run down the stairs. It was Mary. The small girl rubbed her eyes and looked confused. 

“Is everything alright??” Mary asked with big eyes. 

She had not heard her mother and father talk in a pleasant and in a calm way in a long time. She hugged her daddy and looked up at him. He smiled as he brushed her hair with his fingers softly. 

“Yes, honey, we are fine, we are just talking. Now get ready, we are going to church this morning..” 

The girl’s eyes were surprised. Her father was going to church! That was a surprise! Mary ran up the stairs to get ready for church. 

“Mary?” John called as he hugged his wife to his side. 

“Yes, Daddy?”

“I won’t push you or mommy away again. I learned that Jesus won’t push me away and perhaps the Church will show me a different light. So I won’t push again.” 

Mary nodded. She understood her father. She knew that something was new about her daddy. 

John picked up his phone as he sat at his table. He needed to tell someone his dream. Eve held his hand as John’s hand shook with nervousness and some excitement.

“Hey Mom? Can I tell you about a dream I had? It was a wild ride! Also I learned that you were right there is someone out there. And I am going to church today and I don’t wanna push you away anymore and I’m glad Jesus doesn’t push me away.”