By Jim Wilson
One of the good things I learned as an officer in the U.S. Navy was that authority and responsibility must go together in equal proportions. A person with authority but no responsibility will exercise that authority arbitrarily. He will order people around with no objective other than establishing his own power. Conversely, a person with responsibility for a task but no authority to help him accomplish it will only be frustrated.
Before I apply this concept to Christian husbands, I want to discuss and hopefully dissolve a common misconception. Because the Scripture tells wives, children, and servants to obey, some Christians have inferred that it is the job of husbands, fathers, and masters to command. This is an inference only and is, therefore, invalid. The Bible contains no direct teaching nor implication that husbands, fathers, and masters are to be commanders. The Bible does not teach a chain of command. It teaches a chain of obedience and submission. The Bible teaches that servants are to be submissive to their masters, wives are to be submissive to their husbands, and children are to submit to their parents.
The difficulty is that we have mistakenly assumed that if these people are to be submissive, then the husband, the father, the master, or the government is to be the boss. Not so! When God speaks to the people on the top, He never tells them to be the boss.
A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.” (Luke 22:24-27)
Now look at the commands specifically addressed to husbands:
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Col. 3:19)
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Eph. 5:25-27)
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet. 3:7).
There is no commanding here—only sacrifice. Husbands are responsible to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church, and for the same reason—to make her beautiful. We are to love our wives in order to make them lovely, not because they are lovely. A woman needs love the most when she is unlovely. It is the husband’s responsibility to give that love. The Bible teaches fathers and masters to follow the same pattern of respect, consideration, and sacrifice.
The husband is the head of the wife. That does not mean he is the boss or dictator. It means he is the example, the provider, the lover, the means of security, and the source of wise, responsible decision-making. If this does not describe you as a husband, find a husband who fits this description and ask him for help.
Husbands are responsible for protecting and caring for their wives, and, although the Bible’s emphasis is on responsibility rather than authority, God has given husbands the authority to carry out the responsibilities He has assigned to them. For example, in Numbers 13, God gave husbands the authority to confirm or nullify vows or rash promises made by their wives, even if the vows were made before marriage. The chapter ends with these words: “These are the regulations the LORD gave Moses concerning relationships between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still living in his house” (Num. 30:16).
However, what tends to happen is that the husband demands authority and, a lot of times, refuses the responsibility that comes with it. The wife ends up with the responsibility and no authority. This puts her in a hard position and may tempt her to reject teaching that indicates that a wife needs to be submissive. Husbands must fulfill the God-given responsibilities that come with their authority, or they are setting their wives up for a hard time.
God made men incomplete, so He made women to be their helpers. This incompleteness is apparent in men’s need for respect. Every man needs respect, from the time he was born and for his entire life. That is why God requires women to respect their husbands. Men want to have authority and respect. This is not wrong. But responsibility comes with authority, and many men have abdicated this responsibility. Authority without responsibility makes men tyrants. If they pass the responsibility to their wives but do not delegate the corresponding authority to them, those wives cannot carry out the responsibility that their husbands will not.
