My heart was hell, a deepening abyss. My soul, wrapped in chains, unable to find peace. I staggered along with fellow students on the way to morning chapel. This stroll was familiar as it was required of us each weekday morning. It was a bright sunny day in Southern California and my whole being throbbed with woe.
NO! It can’t be true!
Abba Father, what am I that thou wouldst knowledge me?
Behold, I am iniquitous and unclean!
Cleanse me and clean me within!
Sin is a seductive shadow;
the damning dark that dwells within.
It keenly kills all kinds of man.
All folk are formed in its fury…
Summer sun does shine sheenly
Raising rays radiant rich
Leaves live and grow with glory
Calid colours crowd our land…
Falls my heart in th’ocean black!
My knees drop and I do lament!
A life was born and now ‘tis dead—
Nay! Not just one but twain are dead!
Night is day and day is night;
My mind is frayed and in fright!
Motions move and swirl inside;
Bubbling thoughts do ne’er subside…
Thrill I feel in my steps;
I joy in my wand’rings.
Staff in hand, I’ll through land—
roaming as I desire…
Truly our world is broken—
Everywhere the cracks are seen!
All places have their token—
Everywhere there’s a black mien!
Look! O Look, lad! The land doth die!
Dark is come and has swept the sky!
Frost falls and the flowers do fade.
Cumbrous clouds cover us with shade…
Past pictures pilfer my time
mesmerous maze of ages
lost in moments mortified
dreaded dreams and long lost joys…
